This list of 14 affair tips was found over at The Stories You Cannot Tell.

An American living in Japan, married to a local Japanese woman, wrote posted about the 14 tips he follows when having his affairs.

Printed with permission…

Here’s how you do it:
1. Never keep credit card slips in your wallet. I keep them in my office.

2. From the very beginning I have told my wife that it is considered extremely rude to open someone else’s letters (card-statements included). She would never open any of my letters. But even is she did, I can always say that payments are for a client’s hotel, or dinner with a client.

3. She knows I don’t like talking on the phone, so most of our communication is by phone-mail. In fact I do like talking on the phone, but I made her believe the opposite at an early point in our relationship.

4. I always clear out my phone of any call- and receive-history. I have blocked access to my phone-emails with a password that I change frequently. If she asks me why I’m so secretive, I just tell her that I’m careful about data of my clients leaking out in case I lose my phone somewhere.

5. Sometimes she might ask to send a picture by phone mail, from wherever I’m am. Whenever I’m on a “real” trip somewhere in Japan, I take pictures for future use. I have pictures from basically every part of Japan, in my phone. It’s also wise to ask friends to send you some pictures when they are traveling, just so you can keep a good stock of photos. Just have to be careful to change the information (date etc.) in the photo before sending it to the wifey.

6. I always wear different kind of colognes. Many different types. Change often! The wife can never detect any women perfume just because you always smell different as well. And in Japan you are standing packed in the train during rush-hour, so you will probably get some scent from the ladies next to you anyway.

7. In my portable calendar I only write down things that can’t hurt the wife to see. No use of codes or cryptic. Everything is written very plain to see. Instead, I keep the girl-schedule in my phone, which is locked by password that I change frequently.

8. Going out to purchase something usually takes a about three hours in Tokyo. I take frequent trips to the electrical store to buy ink-cartridges. During those three hours it’s easy to meet one of your mistresses and fool around in a hotel. Ink-cartridges are bought in bulk and kept where the spare wheel is, in my car. My wife doesn’t drive.

9. One problem is gifts. I receive a lot of gifts from my mistresses at Christmas and Birthdays. I keep them all in my office. Sometimes there are also things that suits to give my wife. Keeps her happy. There are often things that I can pass on to my colleagues as well, neckties etc. I’m being the nice guy in the office. Nobody knows…

10. My phone is always on vibrator mode. My wife know this as well, that I hate when the phone rings. The ringtone actually startles me. If some of my girlfriends should by chance call me, my wife won’t know about it as the phone silently vibrates in my pocket. My phone is also set to go off at midnight, and power on again at 8 in the morning. No surprises.

11. I never write the correct address when checking in to a hotel. They never check anyway. If I forgot something in the room I don’t want them to contact me. I guess I can live with that. In either case, I can always go back and pick it up.

12. I never use a condom. The smell of latex or rubber can be traced, and also the rubbers are difficult to hide. In Japan most women don’t care if you use a condom or not, and many of my women will actually say that it feels better without it.

13. I use coin-lockers a lot. It’s a good place to keep a stash of clothes. I can say I go to work, and then change to something more casual for my date.

14. When traveling, even if so only a couple of hours, it’s customary to bring home the specialty of that particular region. I know where they sell specialties from every part of Japan, in Tokyo. I usually purchase the gift first, and then tell my wife “where” I’m going, depending on the gift. This makes her trust me even more.

So, you see? It’s not only about being able to fool around, but you must also give your wife what she expects. I think I have a perfect gig here. Have I forgotten anything?

I can also say that another advantage in Japan is that a Japanese wife would never call your office. If she needs you, she will only call your phone, or in our case, she will mail me.

Name kept secret
Tokyo, Japan